Trump Says He “Knows What the Hell He’s Doing.” The Evidence Screams Otherwise.
Trump’s latest tariff tantrum proves once again that he’s steering America’s economy like a blindfolded man on a unicycle—on a tightrope—during an earthquake. And yes, he still insists he’s got it all under control.
LAKE GENEVA, WI - Let’s talk about the man who just assured America, “I know what the hell I’m doing”... right before proving the exact opposite. Donald J. Trump, the self-proclaimed mastermind of global economics, just pulled off one of the most breathtaking U-turns in trade policy history—and managed to look completely unhinged while doing it.
Here’s the rundown: On April 2, Trump rolled out his “Liberation Day” tariff plan, because of course he did—it sounds like something out of a bad dystopian sci-fi movie. Sweeping tariffs slapped on nearly every foreign good imaginable. The stock market responded by doing what it does when chaos is injected into the economy—it tanked. World leaders raised their eyebrows, economists screamed into the void, and even members of Trump’s own party started inching away from the flaming dumpster fire.
Still, there was Trump at a Republican dinner just days later, pounding his chest like a cartoon gorilla. “I know what the hell I’m doing,” he bellowed, while painting a fantasy picture of chip factories popping up like mushrooms in the rain. Maybe in his head, sure.
And then? Reality bit back.
On April 9, Europe slapped a 25% tariff on U.S. goods—everything from steel to ice cream. China cranked its own tariffs to a jaw-dropping 84%. What did Trump do? He blinked. Hard. Like a deer in headlights. He threw the whole tariff plan into a 90-day pause—for everyone except China, who he then decided to punish with an even more absurd 125% tax. Because if you’re already playing economic Russian roulette, why not spin the barrel again?
But wait—there’s more. When Americans worried about their crashing 401(k)s, Trump told them to stop being “Panicans.” Yes, Panicans. Apparently, that’s his new insult for people with functioning neurons. Weak! Stupid! Panican! It’s not clear whether he was naming a new political party or just inventing a word to distract from his epic failure.
Meanwhile, his sidekick J.D. Vance thought it’d be a great idea to call the Chinese people “peasants.” Because if there’s one thing you want during an international economic meltdown, it’s racist condescension from your second-in-command.
Let’s be blunt: Trump has no idea what the hell he’s doing. He’s playing global economic Jenga with greasy hands, and every block he pulls makes the whole tower wobble. His policies are chaotic, reactionary, and driven more by ego than any semblance of strategy. He talks big, blunders bigger, and then blames everyone else when his ideas implode like a wet paper bag in a hurricane.
And yet, somehow, we’re still supposed to believe he’s got this under control?
Sure. And I’m the Queen of Denmark.